SturbanClothing “HEROICALLY” Saves the World as Christmas is Cancelled! (Maybe)
It’s long been know that Santa Claus lives in the Nordic region with Mrs Claus and his helper elves, who tend his reindeer and help make presents for the children of the world. What is less well-known is that Kris (as he prefers to be called) lives and invests heavily in Iceland, which as we all know has been burdened by the global financial meltdown, more to the point Kris had huge investments held by Icelandic banking giant Landsbanki, which was the parent company of internet banking provider Icesave, and this collapsed recently 'freezing' funds. “He's crazy with his money!”, said Mrs Claus while shivering in a kinky one-piece, “I tell him to invest wisely but he just calls me a hoe 3 times. It's very upsetting”
Kris is not a happy chappy and the usual “ho ho ho” cannot be heard ringing through his Santa factories. Due to generous welfare systems and high wages Kris has, sadly, had to let go of many of the traditional 'Santa’s Helpers' that made presents for children all over the world and helped tend the Reindeers. “I'm chuffing starving!”, said Rudolph when asked about the lack of food, “Without the elves I'm just wallowing in my own muck without any carrots! I'm not leading the sleigh in this state, I can barely jump”
El Ves, union representative for Santa’s helpers, is quoted as saying, “Many of the helpers that have worked for many years with Kris are having to return to traditional jobs in shoemaking, but this is a small market and Kris was the biggest single employer of elves in the world, it will have knock on effects”. El Ves also proclaimed, “Kris is gutted. There's nothing that excites him more than emptying his giant sack into kids socks. He can pretend to empty it elsewhere, but it's no consolation is it??”
Kris recently released this shock statement; “If the global economy continues to go down this the path I’m not sure if Santa’s factories - and indeed Christmas - can survive!”. This will undoubtedly have a huge effect on the world, with millions of children worldwide waking up on Christmas morning with no presents.
With everything that's going-on we're simply left wondering, what is Christmas all about without Santa? We put that question to Kris and he replied, “Yes it is that bad, we are all trying our hardest but we may have to miss out some countries or cut back on some of the naughty children”, he went on to add “It’s a sign of the times and very sad but yes, Santa is bigger that Jesus. As a matter of fact, Santa is bigger than most things! Except for that Rik Waller bloke...and the BFG of course”
This leaves one very important question, well two actually - will Christmas survive and has anybody got a job for a fat lad with flying reindeer for one day a year?
We asked sturbanclothing.com for there comments; “In light of these latest statements from Kris we at SturbanClothing are cancelling Christmas and moving on to The January Sales early.” When reminded that January sales are actually named after the calender month, they responded, “It may seem odd to have January sales in December but as Kris says; things are hard out there! I mean, who ever thought elves would have to return to shoe making?”
Kris is not a happy chappy and the usual “ho ho ho” cannot be heard ringing through his Santa factories. Due to generous welfare systems and high wages Kris has, sadly, had to let go of many of the traditional 'Santa’s Helpers' that made presents for children all over the world and helped tend the Reindeers. “I'm chuffing starving!”, said Rudolph when asked about the lack of food, “Without the elves I'm just wallowing in my own muck without any carrots! I'm not leading the sleigh in this state, I can barely jump”
El Ves, union representative for Santa’s helpers, is quoted as saying, “Many of the helpers that have worked for many years with Kris are having to return to traditional jobs in shoemaking, but this is a small market and Kris was the biggest single employer of elves in the world, it will have knock on effects”. El Ves also proclaimed, “Kris is gutted. There's nothing that excites him more than emptying his giant sack into kids socks. He can pretend to empty it elsewhere, but it's no consolation is it??”
Kris recently released this shock statement; “If the global economy continues to go down this the path I’m not sure if Santa’s factories - and indeed Christmas - can survive!”. This will undoubtedly have a huge effect on the world, with millions of children worldwide waking up on Christmas morning with no presents.
With everything that's going-on we're simply left wondering, what is Christmas all about without Santa? We put that question to Kris and he replied, “Yes it is that bad, we are all trying our hardest but we may have to miss out some countries or cut back on some of the naughty children”, he went on to add “It’s a sign of the times and very sad but yes, Santa is bigger that Jesus. As a matter of fact, Santa is bigger than most things! Except for that Rik Waller bloke...and the BFG of course”
This leaves one very important question, well two actually - will Christmas survive and has anybody got a job for a fat lad with flying reindeer for one day a year?
We asked sturbanclothing.com for there comments; “In light of these latest statements from Kris we at SturbanClothing are cancelling Christmas and moving on to The January Sales early.” When reminded that January sales are actually named after the calender month, they responded, “It may seem odd to have January sales in December but as Kris says; things are hard out there! I mean, who ever thought elves would have to return to shoe making?”
Labels: Christmas credit crunch
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